What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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