My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
where are my eyebrows?
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