I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
