non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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