you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
