So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
