Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
