I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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