One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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