hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
