(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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