were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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