Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
