he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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