I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
