If i come over, it means nothing
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
