I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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