i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
