Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
