I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize