im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
