Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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