it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
