And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
