Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
