mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
