some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
