she woke up with a sticky ear
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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