just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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