everyone is single if you try hard enough
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
