he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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