The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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