I hate all girls vehemently.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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