I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
