We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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