I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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