I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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