My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
