he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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