You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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