i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
