The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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