I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
