The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
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