if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
