I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Come on in and take your pants off
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