just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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