He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
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Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize