3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize