you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
