No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
