It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
