guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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