my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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