If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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