I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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