saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
