I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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