My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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