last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize