So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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