I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
