I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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