My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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