She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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